i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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