I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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