i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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