I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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