worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
