i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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