I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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