I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
