i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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