I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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