maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
