I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
