so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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