Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
