Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
