im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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