Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
