So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
