You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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