and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
