Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
