then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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