Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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