Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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