Me too!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
third nipple confirmed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
