standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
