oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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