I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
