Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
