Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
