Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
