You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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