Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
