And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
