Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
