C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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