You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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