I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
