i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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