i'm lost and i look like a hooker
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
