so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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