So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
