mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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