I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
