if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
