absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
