no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
