Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
