You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
