I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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